Why does it matter? (philosophical ramblings coming your way) :)

I always seem to have personal breakthroughs at the most unexpected times. :)

This morning I was getting some work done and decided I would check the gym schedule quickly to plan when I would get to the gym today. As I looked over the day's schedule, I noticed that a really fun step class was starting in 15 minutes.

I sat and thought for a moment: Can I make it? The gym is 10 minutes away, I'm in my PJs and I haven't even brushed my teeth yet. YES! I'm going!

With that, I was off, running around the house like a wind tunnel - scooping up my shoes, my sweats, my towel . . . running to fill a water bottle, throwing a toothbrush in my mouth, and (somewhat dangerously) tossing my contacts in. I ran out to my car, hopped in, and drove off! As I drove to the gym I congratulated myself for beating the clock and choosing to work out.

Then I suddenly had a thought: Why does it matter? Why does it matter to me that I go to the gym. It was the first time in my WHOLE life that the answer wasn't "I want to be skinny" or "I NEED to lose weight!" The answer was simple: I want to be better.

I want to be a better me. In EVERY area. I want to be healthy and strong physically, mentally, and spiritually. I want to be the BEST me I can be.

But why?

And then this unfamiliar thought came to me. I've NEVER thought about it this before, so it shocked me.

I want to be the best I can be so that I can stop worrying about ME. I want to take my own focus off of myself so that I can focus my attention on the needs of others.

Now, it's not like I've never thought of others before. But this was different. I feel that, as girls, we are taught at a very early age to spend a lot of time and energy on ourselves. We are taught that we need to look, act, feel, smell, and talk a certain way. As teenagers, we spend SO much energy in a fruitless attempt to perfect ourselves. As young adults, we get caught up in our careers and the desire to maintain the image of having it all together. We spend SO much time working on ourselves.

Well, I'm done with that. I'm tired of worrying about me all the time. I want to give myself - my time, my energy, my heart - to greater things. I think this must be what it's like to grow up.

Now I am getting ready to go on with the rest of my day. I'll be returning emails, editing pictures, designing albums, doing school work, and the other millions of things I have on my list. Life goes on - you can't stay in a breakthrough moment forever, but you can live it. I'm looking forward to seeing what it's like to live this breakthrough. :)